Sing a New Song

I sang my first solo in church when I was 4 years old. My dad sat me on top of the piano and, because I didn't want anyone looking at me, I faced the front of the church and sang "Love Is" to the stained glass window. Thus began my illustrious career as a singer (yes, I would still prefer it if no one looked at me while I sing!). Music has always been part of my life- where I serve, where I find connection, a source of joy. 

Many of you may have first (or only) known me as "that girl who sings". So, it may surprise you to know that, for a variety of reasons, singing hasn't really been happening for me these past two years. On my best days I've viewed it as a season where God is choosing to use my 'other talents' and I've recognized that the demands of my job don't really leave a lot of space for anything extra. On the challenging days,I must admit, it has felt like a part of my heart may have gone missing. 

Suffice it to say, the fact that I was placed on the schedule to sing with one of our dear local church families this next Sunday is something I've been looking forward to for several months. When I accepted the request, I knew about surgery #1 and didn't have too many reasons to believe that it would be an issue. Well... Add surgery #2 and the ensuing processes and let's just say I sorely underestimated the toll all of this would take on my voice. 

My friends on the team have been very gracious as I've waited and tested the waters of singing again. Although my range improves daily, the number of neck muscles that must be engaged to produce anything of quality is exhausting. Yesterday I had to make a humbling and disappointing decision- my voice is not yet ready to lead worship for 4 services in one day. Yes, I might have cried a little. Had I been able to pull it off, I would have been singing in church one month to-the-day after surgery #2. (BTW: Longest month EVER). It would have felt like a small victory over the circumstances.

As I've processed this, there is a tune (ironically from a season of ministry Brent and I spent at this church) that I can't get out of my head. The song comes from Psalm 40 and was made famous by the band U2:

" I waited patiently for the Lord, He inclined and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit, out of the miry clay. And I will sing, sing a new song.... How long, to sing this song?... I will sing, sing a new song."

I am reminded today, that my life is always a song. Within single songs there are changes of key, tempo, volume, instrumentation, etc. that give it variety and make it sweet to different listeners' ears. Multiply that by the number of songs in this world and I can't help but realize that even though my 'song' is not what I am used to singing right now, God IS using my voice in a different way- maybe to reach a different audience.

I will choose to be patient with this healing process, even though it's the pits. And, in the meantime, I will "Sing, sing a new song."