Well, I TRIED to take my birthday off of social media but somehow the word got out. Yes- today is my birthday and I guess I can't be in denial about it. Someone asked Brent a funny question the other day, they asked which "39th" birthday I was having. For the record this is my FIRST 39th birthday. And yes, I know what comes next...
I am humbled and appreciative of all of your kind words and birthday wishes. As a person who doesn't like to be fussed over, this past month has been an embarrassment of riches with so many people reaching out to me and my family. One of the most interesting observations that has been shared with my family, about me, is that I am such a "strong person". Funny how others see in us, things that we don't often see in ourselves. Maybe I am strong because I choose to share my journey? Or because I get up and go each day? Or?? I don't really see any other option for myself at this point. I wouldn't know another way to be.
Since today is my birthday, I got to thinking about the day of my birth. I don't know much about that day except that I was 3 weeks early and a lot smaller than people wanted me to be. Despite those two odds being stacked against me, I went home the next day. I guess I started out "strong". Right around my 18th birthday I had one of my first health scares that could have cost me the ability to have children. My two victories over that milestone are looking at me as I write (c'mon mom... get off the computer!). Just before my 20th birthday I made one of the best decisions of my life and said yes to marrying the perfect man for me. I couldn't imagine doing life with anyone besides my Brent! 2 years ago right around my birthday we were tearfully, yet with great anticipation saying good bye to our friends in Oregon. I year ago on my birthday I accepted the job as the principal at Fresno Christian school. This birthday I am celebrating that YES I am having another birthday and plan to have many more! I've had a bunch of eventful birthdays.
After any big life event (birth, death, diagnosis...) milestones (birthdays, anniversaries, holidays...) take on new meaning. We have new appreciation for them, and I use the word appreciation in its broad sense. To appreciate something means to regard it with heightened feeling. Sometimes those feelings will be good- First _______ with ______. Sometimes they will be sentimental or painful- First ________ without _______. Each of these scenarios challenges us to lean into what we are feeling. We must allow ourselves to celebrate or to grieve as the occasion allows. Sometimes, we will feel all of the above and that is ok too. The Lord made us, he made our feelings, he rejoices and grieves with us. He too marks our days and seasons of life because he knew them before we came to be.
So, on this my first birthday with cancer, my first birthday without a thyroid I will choose to APPRECIATE all that it has to offer. Regardless of how many birthdays the Lord allows me, today is the day that He has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Best "39th" birthday I've ever had.
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