Just BE STILL!!

 To have to admit that blow-drying my hair this morning was one of the most exhausting things I've done all week is embarrassing. To grasp the depth of this, you must understand a few things about me as a person. I have a very difficult time being ok with unfinished tasks, therefore I hold myself (and usually only myself) to a high level of expectation. I do not go to bed without all of the dishes being done. It is preferable that all laundry be done and put away on the same day. When I move (in case you forgot how regular an occurrence this is for the Deffenbacher family, we recently settled into house number 10), all boxes are unpacked and taken to the recycler by day two. I make a concerted effort to not be sitting down when my husband comes home from work- I want to at the very least give the impression that I have been exceedingly productive while he was away. A bit much? Yes. Can I help it? Not often. So, back to my original statement... The fact that simple grooming tasks WIPE ME OUT has the potential to be a huge discouragement! 

The familiar and repetitive song, "Be Still And Know That I Am God" (you're welcome to those of you who won't be able to get it out of your head for the next hour) has been singing itself to me. Often we think about that stillness being a stillness of mind and heart so we can focus on God- I'm totally ok with that concept. Where it takes on new meaning right now is that I must PHYSICALLY be still too. In that process, the Lord is healing me- mind, body, and soul.

My husband is very sweet. He knows my struggle in this department and has taken up pointing out how proud he is of me when I choose to sit (rather than nagging me to "take it easy"). He smiled when I typed up and posted instructions for how I want the laundry to get done (see photo). He doesn't speak his usual protests when I say yes to someone's offer of a meal (we don't like to put people out AND some of us have food issues...).

So, this does not mean that none of my to-do list will get to-done, it just means that I need to edit my list. I will put the most important things at the top. I will take a few off (there is always next Summer!). And, I will be more creative about how some of those things get done... That little gardening project I was dreaming up? A timely birthday next month will provide the funds for me to sit by the window and watch my landscaper put it in for me! 

I'm still not very good at asking for help (unless I can find a way to pay you for it), but I'm much better at allowing people to help. Reader beware- you are NEVER obligated to give me ANYTHING, but  if you plan to offer I probably won't be polite enough to turn you down! At least for the next little while.

On a nuts and bolts note- I had a very helpful doctor appointment this morning. The quick of it is that I do not have to spend the summer without thyroid replacement hormones and can begin taking them tomorrow morning. Everything else stays the same, but I do not need to sit around waiting for the misery to strike. This is such good news. Don't worry, I am still committed to getting the rest that I need- I'm just happy that it will be by choice rather than by having no other option. If you see me doing more, count it as progress- not me "overdoing it". 

I promise to BE STILL in a way that I never have before, knowing that it is producing in me many things that the Lord already had in mind.