I'm most compelled to tell you my thoughts on what I will call "distinctive prayer" this morning. Please don't judge my theology- these are just thoughts. I do believe in the power of prayer, but I am one who approaches my requests cautiously because I am very aware that God is in control. If He is in control, it feels kind of weird to me to tell him (through prayer) how to do his job. With that said, I keenly felt your prayers on Friday. I know that many prayer warriors took my specific fears (neck pain, waking up, and throwing up) and voiced them to the Father and He answered.
I don't generally speak up for myself, but on Friday felt like I should mention to the doctors the tremendous amount of neck pain I experienced from the first surgery. They expressed that, no, that was not normal. They did not sedate me before moving to the operating room (may cause nightmares later- see future posts), and they spent concentrated time talking me through the position of my head and neck to ensure that I was comfortable before surgery. The result has been none of the same neck pain from before!
Waking up from anesthesia is pretty vivid and unpleasant for me. This time, however, I was allowed to wake up slowly and gently. There was no one tapping me and asking me questions. I was almost allowed to "sleep it off". Such a blessing. Part of that usual experience for me includes immediate throwing up (yes... super awful when having throat surgery). No throwing up on Friday.
Saturday was another story... There was plenty of pain, sleeplessness and throwing up on Saturday. But in spite of it all I was well cared for and it did not cancel out the assurance I felt on Friday knowing that our prayers had been answered.
My doctor is a pretty confident guy, and for that I am thankful. Even he was discouraged by the difficulties presented in surgery on Friday. Despite my exterior appearance being good from surgery #1, inside was a different story. I probably pushed myself too hard between Tuesday and Friday of last week and we paid the price. Because of that, I am looking at even stricter recovery policies this time around. SO not cool! He (doctor) called last night with some more not so great news, but it isn't something that can't be managed by a lifetime supply of calcium supplements! Random fact, did you know that when you have low calcium your face gets numb?? Things we never thought we'd need to know or deal with. But, quite obviously, this is a time for me to be still and know that God has surrounded me with people who not only CAN but WANT to help me through this.
Speaking of helpers- huge shout out to "Team Paige" who helped her feel special on Saturday for the dance recital. 9 year old girls wear their disappointment like a hooded cloak and Paige could not get past the fact that I was not going to be there. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to the friends and family who not only filled the seats for her, but helped her with hair and make up and made her feel like a rock star. She didn't miss a beat!
Well, probably not my most articulate or spiritual post. I will blame the drugs. Thank you for your overwhelming support as we step through this. I think that Paige's face expresses what we all feel right now- Fierce. Watch out cancer, we're gonna get you!!
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