Surgery number 2 is today. In the spirit of being truthful, I've got some feelings about today that I'm not super proud of. I'm still ticked that I have to do this again. Yesterday I talked about plans, there was a great plan in place last time I had surgery (9 days ago) to catch cancer and take care of it. That plan failed us and here we are again repeating the process.
On June 2 there wasn't too much to be afraid of because I had never done it before- ignorance totally was bliss. I woke up that morning not knowing that it would take me 3 hours to wake up, that I would listen to everyone else in recovery eating snacks and partying while I could (literally) not open my eyes. I had not yet experienced the neck pain that far exceeded the pain of the incision. I had not yet had to desperately try not to throw up after having throat surgery. Well guess what, today I know what I am up against and I feel a little bit afraid.
God made my feelings- anger and fear- so they must not be all bad. They just need to be kept in context. I am supposed to feel them not be them. My feelings will not define me. As a really cool paster I know (hint: his initials are BD) likes to say, "Feelings are fickle". They will pass. If they threaten to stick around I have a choice to intentionally move past them. So today, even though I feel fear, I will not be afraid. I will remember that being unhappy about my situation does not change it and I will choose joy.
Watch out blog world, tomorrow I will be on pain meds! I cannot be held liable for what I may or may not say. Love you all. Thank you for joining me in this journey. Thank you for your encouraging words and your prayers.
Thinking of you as you recover...hoping the icky feelings pass faster than last time.
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