Better Together

One of the more unpleasant side effects of my radiation treatment is that I have lost the ability to taste food. (Since I know you will ask, it is expected to correct itself in 3-6 months). Yes, it takes 99% of the joy away from the eating experience but that is not my focus for today. In the absence of being able to taste anything there has been a pronounced increase in one of my other sensory experiences- SMELL.

I smell everything with the clarity that I imagine a bloodhound might. I taught middle school for many years and one of my favorite experiences was the drug dog assembly each fall. No matter how many times I heard the same presentation I was fascinated, each time, by how they explained the canine's sense of smell. Where we as humans, under a normal set of circumstances, might smell Beef Stew- the dog smells the individual components of what's in your crock pot (beef, onion, carrots etc.). Yes I am a nerd. Yes I think that is SO COOL.

This morning all of my people slept in and I had a lovely quiet hour to myself. I made coffee, I cooked bacon, and I baked banana muffins. It was gloriously domestic and "normal". Which is a huge comfort for someone like me who hasn't experienced much "normal" in recent memory. I stepped outside for a few minutes and when I returned to the house I smelled each one of those items in a way that I might not have if my taste buds were functioning right now. Want to know something? Because I let it, the experience of SMELLING those tasty things was almost as good as eating them.

Aren't our bodies amazing? One sense is struggling and another steps up to the plate? My sniffer picked up where my mouth wasn't able to this morning and not only was I able to enjoy the experience but it reopened my eyes to the wonder of what God did when He "...formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person." (Genesis 2:7, NLT). In the Psalms King David expressed, beautifully, what I experienced this morning when he said, "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it." (Psalm 139:14, NLT). Despite a body that is, in many ways, broken- today I was given a practical reminder of the miracle of being alive.

Another thought that came to me as I reflected on this experience was the concept of the body of believers. Each of us has different gifting and things to offer in the kingdom as stated in 1 Peter 4:10 (NLT), "God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another." Ephesians 4:16 (NLT) says, "He makes the whole body fit together perfectly, as each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love." God designed bodies (both physical and spiritual) to work together for purposes greater than the individual parts. When those parts work together health and growth happen. Scripture also points out that sometimes individual members of the body will gather up some slack so the other parts can grow (sounds kind of like my nose and mouth coordinating this morning, eh?). Ephesians 4:9 (NLT) talks about this when it points out that, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed."

Yes, my [physical] body is struggling right now- might be for longer than any of us is comfortable with. But, it is also finding ways to keep going. The stronger parts are filling in for the weak ones. The body of Christ is also rallying at this time in my life. More real, for me, than the physical toll is the mental toll of knowing that some of my "jobs" might be neglected during this time. Guess how many of those things aren't getting done... NONE. I have been surrounded by incredible members of God's body who are stepping up, filling the gaps, making things happen and the experiences are every bit as rich and fulfilling. I am aware that it does not diminish my role/part in the body, but my mind is at ease that while I am temporarily malfunctioning, others are (graciously, joyfully, and willingly) doing their part. The body is still "healthy and growing and full of love." in spite of me. Once again, perspective- it is never all about me!

Never forget, dear friends, that God has designed and gifted you fearfully, wonderfully, and uniquely. These offering are not just for your enjoyment but they bless those around you and, ultimately point back to Him. I am thankful, today, for reminders both practical and metaphorical that there is something bigger to be done and that I get to be a part of it. I am praying the same holds true for you.

If you can't say something nice... (Thanks Thumper!)

Yes, I've been quiet for the last few days. That's been intentional. I've been practicing the advice passed along by the great theologian Thumper from the classic Disney movie Bambi click here

There hasn't been much nice to say about the past week, so I've chosen to say nothing at all.

Throughout the summer (and the whole cancer ordeal) I've done my best to be real yet point things back to Jesus, which should put a positive spin on just about everything we face. This past week it has been difficult to be positive.

I will not point fingers (too much), but I was not very well prepared for this phase of the process. Leading up to the radiation treatment, many of you know that I was not overly concerned and even had plans to get stuff done in the house during the isolation period. My plan to return to work on Tuesday was not me being Pollyanna-ish... it is truly what I was led to believe would happen. The only thing the doctor said about side effects was (and this is the QUOTE): "Some people get a little nauseous, but most people do just fine." The very quick summary of my past week (you're welcome for sparing you the details) is that there was nothing "a little nauseous" about what I experienced (and that side-effect list was much longer and scarier than nausea). What I feel right now, an entire week after receiving the treatment, might be described as "a little nauseous"...

So here I am, on Thursday, still not feeling well enough to go back to full days of work that I planned to return to on Tuesday. Still feeling yucky. And tremendously disappointed.

Then I must stop and think- what am I disappointed about? Disappointed that the doctor gave me bad information? Maybe I misunderstood him or maybe he knew that if he gave me all the details I may not have gone through with the (necessary) treatment.  Disappointed that I missed my (self-imposed) go-back-to-work-day? Everyone in my school community has been tremendously gracious and I seem to be the only one judging myself for going a couple days longer than expected. Re-read last sentence... a couple of DAYS. Some people spend months and even years fighting a whole lot more than nausea for a much less favorable prognosis than what I'm anticipating. Up until this week, cancer hasn't caused me to miss more than half a beat as it relates to my job. Disappointed that my family didn't get much of my attention this past weekend? At last count they were well-fed, had more playdate offers than they could say yes to, went to parties, movies, and probably got to stay up later than I would have allowed. They might want to lock me in my room more often after all of that fun!

Brace yourself, here comes that word I keep coming back to... PERSPECTIVE. Perspective does not cancel out what we will experience in this life (both good and bad), it just forces us to hold all of it lightly. Perspective says, "Look outside of yourself, look outside of your situation, remember that it is not all about you." What happens when I get my eyes off of myself? Where do I put them? I need to put them on the one who created me, who allowed my situation, and who ultimately holds ALL results in the palm of his hand.

2 Corinthians 4:18 (NLT) says, "So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we can see will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." Those words come from the Father. He says, if you're only talking about what's here (and it isn't nice) you aren't following my best for your life. Don't talk about it and focus on it. Look to something better. Look to My big picture for your life. Trust that I am using this in My story that is being lived out through your situation.

When the Father speaks, I should be listening. It isn't included in the video clip I put in at the beginning, but Thumper's mother has a saying of her own, "Thumper, what did your father tell you about _________?". If you need a smile today, if you need a fun reminder of why we should listen to The Father's words for our lives- go ahead and watch this. Thumper's father had a lot of great things to say and so does our (heavenly) Father.

My Heavenly Father is reminding me today that "I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. [and this part of it is but a blip on the radar screen]" Jeremiah 29:11 (with my takeaway added at the end).

Be encouraged, dear friends, that our "... present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!". Praying for you, that you will have nice things to say about today!

Playlist for Radiation Day

“It’s today, it’s today it’s today!”- The opening line from Stuart Little keeps running through my mind. Except, I think that George Little (who has been eagerly anticipating the day his family adopts a sibling for him) might have a little bit more excitement in his voice than I would have if I tried waking my family up that way today. Why? because today is THE DAY. Radiation day. It is pretty easy to speak bravely, optimistically, nonchalantly, (insert your own adverb) about an event like this that is 2 months or even two weeks off. But, when that same event is 2 hours away- some of the resolve crumbles a bit.

I’ve been kind of weepy this week (SO embarrassing). I am 90% blaming it on the special diet I’ve had to follow. Who wouldn’t cry when you are so hungry?? Every time someone has said they were praying for me or looked me in the eye and asked me how I was doing, yep I cried. Sitting down with Brent on Sunday afternoon to script out the driving, kid watching, meal preparing, and sleeping arrangements for the whole week and especially the next 4 days made it all way too real. I am thankful for the wise, but simple truth that a friend spoke to me this morning, “Just think, one week from now this should all be over.”

That’s the plan, sweet friends, one and done. Although there is a small part of my heart that is bracing itself to be ready IF we need to do this more than once or it doesn’t go well, the plan is to do this part one time and be cancer-free in just a few short weeks.

What does today hold? Since I am musical, and everyone loves a good soundtrack I thought I would give you the rundown in the form of my “Playlist For Radiation Day”. For copyright reasons I did not put links to the songs, although that would have been fun. ** Disclaimer: Several songs were selected based on title alone... listen at your own risk!

2:00 am “Hungry Like The Wolf” Duran Duran (Again, special thanks to my low-iodine diet)

5:30 am “Tired” Adele (ALWAYS when the alarm goes off, even more so without a thyroid)

7:30 am “Happy” Pharrell Williams (Waving to parents and students in FC parking lot)

9:00 am “Bye Bye Bye” N’Sync (Leaving work for the last time this week)

9:15 am “I’ve Got a Question” Naked Brothers Band (Stopping by the endocrinologist on the way to the radiological oncologist- try saying that 5 times fast)

10:00 am “Radioactive” Imagine Dragons (Swallowing the capsule sized A-bomb)

11:30 am “Dirt Road Anthem” Jason Aldean (Driving back out to the country- home)

12:00 pm “All By Myself” Celine Dion (No one’s here, that’s how it has to be!)

12:00-4:00 pm “Sick” Evanescence (Yes, nausea is a common side effect)

   “Toxic” Brittany Spears (Right about now, I should start to glow)

12:00-8:00 pm “All Alone” Fun (Again, there should be no one but me in this house!)

8:00 pm “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” The Police (Kids walk home from grandma’s to go to bed, I will do my best not to slobber or sneeze on them when saying goodnight)

9:00 pm “Fight Song” Rachel Platten (I plan to lay down, sleep, and let my body fight while at rest… good plan, huh?)

10:30 pm “Your Side of the Bed” Little Big Town (Let’s just say, Brent is less than pleased about the sleeping arrangements for the next few nights. Your thyroid says, “Thank you” honey- see you again soon!)

On Repeat for 3 more days: “Radioactive” (reprise)- Imagine Dragons

It’s a little silly, but true to form I’m trying to have some fun with a not-so-fun situation. It’s going to happen with or without a smile and maybe even a few laughs. Thanks for smiling with me today and believing with me for happier playlists to come!